How do you make requests? How do you engage another person with your needs, desires, or ideas in a way that allows them to find their own way and avoid feeling undue pressure if they are more agreeable than you or if you have more power/rank than they have? How do you ensure that an engagement is fully consensual (ready, willing, able, informed) in the face of the nuances of how you relate with another person?
Here's a few examples. Take a moment to feel how each of these would occur on someone else or on you depending on who the other person is and who you are in relationship to them:
May I...?
Will you...?
Can I/we...?
I want you to…
Would you be willing to (consider to)...?
Are you open to (considering)...?
Would you consider...?
How about we...?
Do you want to...?
Would you be into...?
How would you feel if I/we...?
Let's...
Maybe we could...?
I'd really love to... (with you).
I want to... (with you).
I'm thinking it would be fun to... (with you).
I'm excited to... (with you).
Would you like to share... (together)?
Perhaps we could…
Maybe we could though
Would you be willing to _____ ( very clear and precise action)?
When _____ (very clear and identifiable event ) happens, would you be willing to _____?
Because I have a need for _____, would you be willing to _____?
What I’m going to do to meet my own need for _____ is to _____, and I’m wondering if you would be able and willing to support me by _____ ?
Since you have a need for _____, and I have a need for _____, maybe we can support each other by _____ and _____. What do you think?
Does my request seem clear enough for you to confidently agree to it?
If you’re not able to agree to my request, is there any adjustment we can make that would make it agreeable to both of us?
Given your need/value for _____, would you like me to _____?
Do you have any suggestions for how we can meet both of our values and needs in this situation?
Is it possible for....?
My request is…
I would like it if…
I’d be so delighted if we…, wanna?
Have you ever...?
What I would like is…
What do you think about…?
Would you want/like to…?
Could we…?…
I request..."
What are your thoughts on...
Are you available for….
How would you feel if...?
I would like.... how does that feel for you?
I’m curious if you would be interested in…
Do you have the space for.. ?
As you contemplate the above, do you have a sense that you could upgrade how you engage with others depending on who they are? Is there a way you could make every engagement more graceful, compassionate, and caring?
This is a practice.