A baby boy is born to a young mother and a father, and his father sees that “his hands are almost as big as his head!” He thinks to himself, “yeah, he’s got my genetics.”
The mother and father have come from homes that do not talk about weakness, only success and accomplishment. He loses his cool one day and begins to hit his wife while she takes the punches with one arm and shields the infant boy with the other from the violence. The baby’s mind is soaking in all this unconsciously, and he learns implicitly that the world isn’t safe...little does he know the father also beat her when she was pregnant with him as well. Each event releases excess cortisol within that infant, hindering healthy brain development and setting the stage for perceiving the world as a dangerous place. ...but we all know in this small town that this baby will be okay. After all, “he has such great genetics!”
Click the title to read the rest.
There are many great insights to be found in understanding the points in this video. However, I am continually concerned about this “pathology-focused” narrative we all seem to gravitate toward in this culture.
“What’s wrong with...fill in the blank.” We often find ourselves looking for what’s wrong with others, with ourselves, with the world. What about what’s right? What can we learn from our experiences? What can we learn from the perspectives different from our own?
I can guarantee that in the future we will look back on this time of focusing on “pathology” and what is “wrong with people” as a symptom of severe disconnection with our collective humanity.
Take the point casually mentioned in this video about making sure not to label a child a narcissist, because self-focus is a critical part of our development as human beings. What about those who missed critical parts of their development? Is it not an obvious correlation to make that adults who show these traits simply missed critical development as children? Is it not obvious that those who have less privileges of wealth, security, healthy role models, education, and reassurance will have some of these traits because they display more traits of survival?
(click the title to read the rest)
The non-clinical population has an even amount of male and female people with anxious attachment, as well as those with avoidant attachment. The differences in gender are nuanced, but for the sake of understanding attachment from a human perspective, it’s important to step outside of the need to separate men and women’s differences, and step into the human nervous system free of gender distinctions...from there we can look at differences, but connection must be made first in order to cultivate safety in the nervous systems of BOTH partners. This is an art form that requires tremendous patience, but the payoff is well worth it.
Stan Tatkin suggests a method called “catch and release” for anxious partners who have avoidant partners who seem to be “too distant.”
Click the title to read the rest.
Click the title to read the rest.
A different look at where anger comes from, and how to engage with it.
Anger is a neurophysiological state that drives upholding boundaries. This is so often misunderstood, it’s nearing epidemic levels. Rage is unchecked anger. Anger is simply the feeling and impulse to protect when boundaries are threatened.
When anger is suppressed, or when it’s not acknowledged as the subtle awareness of a breached boundary (or about to be) internally, it can easily escalate into rage.
When rage happens, anger has been bypassed unconsciously in lack of awareness, or it has been suppressed, resulting in an amplification of that feeling.
Click the title to read the rest.
